no matter what i do or what i say, im always gonna be one of those guys who are better of friends wit people.

her statement is final,
she doesnt want to talk to me because i make her feel guilty for no reason.

life sux then you die- Belinda.
nice one

as i sat of my board watching the fireworks, they start playin one of my favorite songs. you kno, da one that goes like ".....i love it when we're cruisin together....". my brain went to automatic reminsce mode. thinkin wat i coulda done right instead of wrong. wat we coulda been doin tonight. my arm could have been around your shoulder while we watch the Fourth of July fireworks. i could have came home and talked to you instead of just thinking about you. but i hope your happy, cuz ive heard you moved on. your over me now, like im over you.

im just reminscing    

as your presence feels far away,
i find myself again wanting you.
your the one who made me feel so special,
but all i did was ignore your calls. 

im alone...
so...
alone...

do you know how it feels like alone? when your online, in the middle of the night, and no one else is? when your watching MTV while evryone else is sound asleep, dreaming of their boyfriend, girlfriend, or husband or wife?you know what kind of loneliness im talking about. when you feel alone cuz you dont have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, in my case its a girlfriend, to talk to about your deepest problems, or share your most,  intimate or happiest dreams, or to have someone to hug and hold when your feeling alone so you wont feel alone  as i am now because i dont have a girlfriend.

do you know how it feels like when you did something and your regreting and thinking about it so hard that you are sitting in the night all alone watching MTV and downloading love songs in Kazaa? you know when your cursing yourself stupid cause you missed the chance of a lifetime of going out with the one girl you really like? when you regret a descision so much that you just wanna take a razor blade and cut yourself? just as i am feeling right now while my brother is walking down the stairs with his soda coming home from work?

ill continue later cuz he wants me to go to sleep now. 

ok, back to the alone thing.

do you know how it feels like to be hated? for your sorries to not be accepted? to long for someone or something so much that you cant think straight? that you long for someone so much that wen something romantic happens right in front of you you break down and all your senses shut off because of sadness?

maybe there are some answers to these questions, maybe there isnt. but doesnt change a thing, im still asking. im still lost in this world of, pain, and illusion, and loneliness.